I fucking despair. Deciding to take a quick break from studying the design of one-dimensional Schroeder quadratic residue diffusers for far field scattering in room acoustics, I flicked on the aptly-named idiot box, somehow deluded into thinking something noteworthy may be airing. What filth am I greeted with? The Sound of Music, some program about twats with an IQ less than my bra size pissing each other off on a coach, Return to Tuscany, Zulu, and a televisual holocaust in the form of The Da Vinci Code Myth: Revealed. This selection of "entertainment" angers me for a number of reasons.

Firstly, who the fuck wants to watch the Sound of Music? A bunch of nuns dance about in the hills and vales of Austria, big fucking deal. I know this film is a so-called classic, but that doesn't mean it's any good. Just because your mum finds this musical entralling does not directly correlate to it not being shite. So many things have been attributed with the tag of 'classic', and as a result we're expected to worship them. I'm reminded of a conversation I had with some dumb bastard in the non-too-distant past, where I stated that I had no real positive feelings for any songs ever produced by the Beatles. Predictably, my compatriot refuted my opinion as rediculous on the grounds that they were (and apparently still are) classics. Just because every suggestible moron devoid of formulating their own music taste likes these songs, it appears i'm expected to love them too. Fuck off. I like what I like, and it isn't the fucking Beatles.

Secondly, the film Zulu, another 'classic'. A film depicting the veritable massacre at Roarke's Drift. Not the massacre of us, but our noble redcoats slaughtering defenseless tribesmen of Zululand. A few white men with guns, cannons, military training and whatnot get attacked by the natives, the rightful inhabitants of that nation, armed with nothing more than pointy sticks and shields manufactured from animal hide. And the fact our soldiers don't get annihilated but instead commit mass genocide is proudly proclaimed as a glorious victory. Fuck right off.

Thirdly, a demistifaction of the Da Vinci Code myth. There is no myth to fucking begin with! Dan Brown, restricted by his jilted prose and atrocious lack of ability to structure even the simplest of literary device, writes a book based upon fact conjured out of thin air, with absolutely no corroboratory evidence. To make matters worse, this is in turn based upon another book suffering from similar problems. The hypocrisy of religious fanatics decreeing the Da Vinci Code as abhorrent and insulting to their faith truely baffles me, especially given they need look no further than the doctrine upon which they base their own religion to discover identical conjecture.

I was going to rant at great length about the other two audio-visual abominations inflicted upon my senses by daytime terrestrial television, but when one looks at their subject matter I suspect it is safe to assume you can draw your own conclusions as to the reasons why I believe such things portray the manner in which humanity is flushing itself down the toilet.

Current Mood: angry
Current Music: Nine Inch Nails- The Perfect Drug

http://www.guardian.co.uk/science/story/0,,1784037,00.html?gusrc=rss

I mean, fucking hell!

Firstly, my dissertation is finished. 50 science journal reviews, 4 days of anechoic testing, 5 pages of computer code, 17 spreadsheets and 12,000 words, and the cunt is finally done and dusted.

Secondly, what the piss is the deal with "business solutions"? Not just business solutions though, the world is veritably littered with them. Transport solutions. Network solutions. Solutions to fucking what? As far as I can make out, "transport solutions" may be read as "pretentious wanker car hire". Office solutions? Well, I was always taught that in order to have a solution, you first need a problem to resolve, so an office solution implies that said office is shit, and as such deserves to fail in everything it aspires to achieve. Or the office manager needs sacking. There is no need whatsoever to look to external companies offering 'solutions', which more than likely take the form of a box of hole punches and staplers. And a Jaguar for the boss who most likely knows fuck all about the business he's running in name only, but getting paid bucketloads for the priveledge. The fucking arsewipe. Actually, that gives me an idea for a business. Toilet Solutions. The whole mess is as unnessecary as calling houses 'properties'. When did that debacle start anyway? The proliferaton of house buying programs currently infesting our airwaves like a plague of AIDS is to blame in some respect i'm sure. Fuck you Amanda Lamb, fuck your Scottish Widows adverts, and fuck your desparate and disgusting attempt to increase your level of fame by going on that celebrity games show. You fat bitch.

Current Mood: relieved
Current Music: NOFX - Doornails

2 solid days of work, and what do I have to show for it? This:



Such a feeble-looking outcome. Where's the tangibility i ask thee!! Anyway, as I really have nothing construcive nor interesting to say, I suppose i'd better cease with this disgustingly pointless procrastination and get back to work. The -5dB envelopes aren't going to calculate themselves.

Current Mood: pensive
Current Music: Classic FM

I recently had the misfortune of being bored out of my mind, and rather than work on my dissertation I decided for reasons unknown to have a read of some of those MySpace bulletin things. Little was I to know the fury this would ignite deep within my soul, not wholly dissimilar to a spiritual Chernobyl. Amongst the gig listings and personal quiz things (i positively refuse to refer to these intellectual holocausts as memes) i discovered an item entitled "cute things guys can do!! <3". Curious to delve deeper within the forbidden realms of the female psyche and discover what it is in fact that women want, despite the title's use of multiple exclamation marks and lack of capitilisation, I had a look. And instantly wished I hadn't.

What followed was a list of 25 "cute" things that a hardened male can do for the appeasement of their better halves, all of which were complete and utter pigswill. Rather than inflict the entirety of these atrocities upon you, I shall instead choose some of my favourites.

1. Talk to her in movie theatres
No! Under no circumstances think this is a good idea, because i'll be the poor bastard sat behind you becoming increasingly furious at the fucking idiot in front who won't shut up for the duration of the film, ruining my cinema-going experience. And i'll probably punch you in the chops. If you want to talk, don't do it in the fucking cinema.


6. Let her mess with ur hair (there is no character limit here, would it really be too strenuous to prefix ur with yo? Spoken and written word is the greatest achievement of man. Fact. Do not belittle it with the grammatical equavalent of shitting on a baby)

Only if I can mess with hers back. Messing with a girls hair may likely earn a swift knee to the groin, so conversely us blokes should be entitled to a response of similar ilk. However, girls have the advantage here, on account of their lack of a penis and balls. A baseball bat to the head would suffice perhaps?


9. Tickle her Even if she says stop

In an era plodding ever closer to the requirement of contractual consent prior to sex, I was under the impression that no meant no. It would appear I was wrong.



19. Write her letters

Frankly, if one is to have a girlfriend, it often helps that she live close enough that such correspondance is redundant. Tell her she's a wire-haired man goblin to her face. Or does this mean that we should write her letters for her, as she will clearly be preoccupied masturbating over the latest emo boys to appear on Top of the Pops.


21. Let her wear your clothes

Fuck off. If you don't have enough clothes despite your tri-weekly excursions to Topshop and Miss Selfridge then it's your own fault. Do I ask to wear your clothes? (well, apart from that one occasion). If I can make a single pair of socks last a fortnight, so can you, bitch.


Anyway, you get the idea. Who the fuck writes this shit? And why would you admit yourself as the author by publishing it to your friends? Who wants to read about how to be cute? If a person cannot fathom such things out on their own and internet lists of such matters are their only frame of reference, they honestly deserve everything they don't get.

On a final point, I was perplexed as to why the offending list had been bulletined in the first place. The closing statement confirmed my darkest and most deep rooted fears;

"if you dont repost this in 4 minutes you will loose the one you love, or never find a love!"

Note the lack of appropriate apostrophes, and when will the unwashed masses learn that the word lose is spelt will a single o? Goddammit, it makes me so angry i'm going to go and watch Trisha simply to have something else to shout at. As the popular (if dangerously all too typical of todays society) axiom goes, out of sight, out of mind.

Current Mood: infuriated
Current Music: Mogwai - Stop Coming to my House

From the BBC regarding tomorrow mornings partial eclipse of the sun:

"The UK's chief medical officer Sir Liam Donaldson warned that looking directly at the Sun can severely damage the eyes and even cause blindness."

No shit sherlock. Is this what they teach at UK Chief Medical Officer School? This annoys me for two reasons. One, it's so bleeding obvious. Two, any idiots who might have previously intended to stare at the sun now know better, and as such will not be inflicted with the blindness they so readily deserve for being such dumb bastards. Who are more than likely clinically obese.

Current Mood: cranky
Current Music: Seafood - Cloaking

The current trend for getting the public's views on news stories. What the hell is the point of that? I don't care what Tony Blair thinks about most of what goes on in the world, so why should I possibly be interested in the opinions of somebody no smarter than me, with nothing better to do than text the ITV newsroom? Absolutely without exception, these people come across as idiots (so don't do it folks), and, naturally, the TV people only put through or read out the messages they would have asked themselves anyway, rendering the whole exercise pointless as well as irritating.

Also, Minami was a splendid giggle, and anyone who fancies popping up Mancunia way next weekend for the celebration of all that is Mike is welcome.

Current Mood: hungry
Current Music: Pitchshifter - 2nd Hand

1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the sentence in your journal along with these instructions.
5. Don't search around and look for the coolest book you can find. Do what's actually next to you.

"Since, from the definition of the gradient, k=(delta)(k.r) is a vector perpendicular to the surfaces of constant phase, k points in the direction of the propagation."

In other news, just had a lovely weekend being graced by the presence of messers Gareth Dineen, Louis Delgaudio and Tristan Carter. A cracking night of beer, rum, whiskey, vodka, speed, weed, ecstacy and dancing was had by all. Who says white guys can't dance, eh? Oh, and autocovariance functions to implement digital infinate impulse response filters can die in the face.

Current Mood: working
Current Music: Flogging Molly - Black Friday Rule

Urgh, so much work to do. The solution to this problem is to procrastinate.

Once again i am rediculously skint. My freeloading muscle has been getting some long over due exercise. As have my audio production techniques. Been working in the studio a bit just helping some mates out with a bit of recording, in exchange for a bit of beer and a few smokes of course. I've also been trying to earn a few extra pennies with some busking mad skills, although i only recieved enough to buy a pouch of drum, and i have since run out of papers.

I'm a qualified first aider now, which is also nice. I didn't get to attend All Tomorrow's Parties however, which is less nice. Less nice in turn is the fact my head still hurts from poppers. I'm trying to offset this fact by consoling myself with the knowledge that myself, Ste and Dave will be skydiving in May. It's £210, but that includes the training, the madatory membership to the British Parachute Association (or something of that ilk), the equipment hire and all the other little baubles. I must say, i am rather looking forward to throwing myself out of an aeroplane at 14,000 feet and freefalling at 120 mph.

On another note, it looks like i shall be returning to Maine this summer, to teach kayaking at the same camp, and as a returner i have been offered a decent wage this time. $2,800 for 9 weeks work isn't bad. Especially when that work involves splashing around in the water and sun all day long. Although the days start at 7am and continue until whenever the kids fall asleep, it really is a jolly good laugh, and my wages are 100% disposable income in a country where a pack of cigs costs under 3 quid.

On a final note, i've been watching Nathan Barley this week, as i missed it first time around. I must say it tickles me pinker than the little boy in the corner who doesn't like sex.

Current Mood: creative
Current Music: King of the Hill

Right, off i pop to hurl myself down some notoriously dangerous Welsh rivers. Possibly whilst heavily under the influence of alcohol. If i don't come back, take solace in the fact i died happy.

Current Mood: quixotic
Current Music: Less Than Jake - The Brightest Bulb Has Burned Out / Screws Fall Out

Just watching the ITV lunchtime news, and to be frank I am baffled at what the British Public think regarding the new anti-terror laws. They had a spot poll, and apparently 75% of us don't think they go far enough. Not far enough?! Detaining "suspected" terrorists and sympathisers for 90 days, without evidence, without trial. So the police "have enough time" to find the evidence they need. What can they possibly find from trawling through their computers and whatnot in 3 months and not 2 weeks, as the current law requires. The police being a lazy bunch of ineffectual asshats does not entitle them to basically tell Islamist students and whatnot where to stuff their civil liberties. And 75% of people think that these new measures don't go far enough!! Mind you, if the first caller (an ex soldier) was anything to go by, it's easy to see why this number is so ludicrously high:

"I think they should all be hung or shot!!"
And here may i point out he's referring to people who might possibly in some vague and roundabout way have said something "supportive" of the actions of a deranged few, not people who have had a case built on hard evidence filed against them, been charged and found guilty in a court of law by a jury of their peers. It really does bewilder me.

And then the icing on the cake. At the end he stated "Now i'm not anti-Islam. After all, i worked in Saudi Arabia for a while".

Oh my fucking god. Sounds a bit too much like "I'm not racist!! I had lunch with a coloured fellow once" for my liking. And is equally as offensive.

Sorry if this a somewhat stilted and disjointed, but i feel it's adequately conveyed my utter disgust at the thinking of three quarters of Great britain.

Current Mood: pissed off
Current Music: Cursive - A Gentleman Caller

Shit, the uni year's almost over. Last exam in 2 weeks. So i've got to try and fit in as much as possible before the summer kicks in. So it's basically going to go like this:

Friday - A day of cocking about in town. Might take my guitar in and busk for a bit to earn enough money to buy a decent meal. Hopefully go skating down at Platt Fields Park in the evening for a bit too. Need to get a bit of practice in before the summer, as i've discovered the camp's got it's own set of boxes, ramps and rails.

Saturday - Dave has got me a job for the day working as a car park steward at the Trafford Centre. 8 hours, cash in hand, fiver an hour. So £40 for standing about not doing an awful lot. Sounds like a plan if ever there was one! This money will be perfectly suited to pay my minimum monthly credit card rate.

Sunday & Monday - There's a free street festival down near Oxford Road. Street art, live music in the forms of hip-hop, folk rock, flamenco, skate punk courtesy of Switchstance Recordings and a load of other stuff, breakdancing, film showcases, street dance workshops, fire theatre...... the list goes on. For free, it's really not that bad a deal. All topped off with a free after-show party.

Tuesday to Thursday - Time to knuckle down to that revision lark.

Friday - Electroacoustics exam, followed by a night of decadance in Sheffield.

Saturday - Being ill and nursing a hangover en-route to Manchester once again.

Monday - Psychoacoustics exam, followed by an afternoon in the recording studio.

Tuesday to Thursday - More of that revision stuff.

Friday - Last exam, followed by migration home to Winchester.

Saturday & Sunday - Bidding everyone a fond farewell for 3 months. Might head down to Tristan's on the Sunday evening to catch my flight on Monday, if the offer's still open of course.

Then 3 weeks in Maine and a week in New York. Get back on August 24th, which is conveniently just in time for Reading Festival. Haven't got a ticket, but i have no intention of letting a minor detail like that stop me.

Current Mood: thirsty
Current Music: Buck 65 - Wicked And Weird

Champions of Europe for the 5th time!

Today has been a fucking good day.

Just a cool little Chomsky soundbyte i stumbled across.

Just in case you didn't realise...

Who should I vote for?

Your expected outcome:

Your actual outcome:

Labour -28
Conservative -43
	Liberal Democrat 76
	UK Independence Party 15
	Green 32

The LibDems take a strong stand against tax cuts and a strong one in favour of public services: they would make long-term residential care for the elderly free across the UK, and scrap university tuition fees. They are in favour of a ban on smoking in public places, but would relax laws on cannabis. They propose to change vehicle taxation to be based on usage rather than ownership.

Take the test at Who Should You Vote For

Well, that's as expected then. Haven't written in a while so I just thought I'd let anyone who remotely cares what i'm up to.

Back at uni after a fantastic 3 week easter period back down in Winchester. It was fantastic to get down to shindiggery again with everyone, who i might not see again until Christmas. "Why?!?" i hear you declare. Well, as some of you know, i'm off to Camp America this summer. And as such I have to visit the US Embassy in London on the 27th of this month to get my visa sorted. Pain in the arse if you ask me. So if anyone's gonna be about in that sort of period, gimme a bell and let's vomit in the Thames.

Turned 22 and got some lovely gifts. A Marshall practice amp from those lovely two people who spewed me into this world, a bottle of 12 year old single malt, my Deconstruction ticket, a camera docking station, a Flogging Molly ticket and hoody, and lots of little odds and ends such as a sticker book in French about two kids who get their grandad to make them a kite. All very wholesome.

Current Mood: complacent
Current Music: From Autumn To Ashes - Eulogy For An Angel

This is a test post from Photobucket.com

Fuck man, i ain't never been this wasted. The last 24 hours have seen me imbibe E, coke, weed, MDMA, magic mushrooms and gallons of booze. Everything's so pretty. Woah. Fuckin ell dude.

On one of my regular trips to the toilet, a thought struck me.

"Whatever happened to Chip & Dale Rescue Rangers?"

Peturbed, i embarked upon a quest to discover the whereabouts of such a fine televisual feast. And on my travels discovered toonlist

Upon having a perusal of their mp3 section, much to might delight i stumbled upon such classic theme tunes as Family Ness, Duck Tales and SUPERTED! Check it.

Also, last night's football was a fucking travesty. The ref couldn't tell his arse from his elbow, and as such we ended up losing 2-1. They played half the game with an extra player for fuck sake before he did anything about it!. On a lighter note, only 10 months and a day until christmas!

Current Mood: jubilant
Current Music: Teddy Ruxpin theme

Right, tickets are now on sale.

Taken from Punktastic:

"Capdown have been added to the entire Deconstruction tour, including the UK dates. Tribute To Nothing and Captain Everything! have been added to the London date of the tour, while NoComply will play in Manchester. Tickets are £17 for London and £15 for Manchester with the likes of No Use For A Name, Strike Anywhere, From Autumn To Ashes, Pepper, Boy Sets Fire and Only Crime already on the bill. Tickets are now available at www.meanfiddler.com and www.seetickets.com and are available booking fee-free at the Astoria & Jazz Cafe box offices."

Splendid. The Manc date has been confirmed as Monday May 2nd. Wonderful. And for those of you rubbish enough to be interested in the London date at the Astoria, it's Sunday May 1st. Anyone wanting to come along to Manchester, I suggest you get your tickets ASAP, as there's no telling how quickly it'll sell out. So get out your wallets and spend some cash that you'd only waste on some rubbish DVD anyway. Pesci n Magus, I know you've been wanting to see No Comply, so get your asses up here. It's a bit of a pain it's a Monday, but hopefully it's early enough notice to book the day off work.

In other news, we won the football again yesterday. That 3-0 win now puts us joint top of the league, which is nice. Bought my train tickets for Minami for the respectable sum of 20 quid, which ain't arf bad. Gotta love the 2 week advance. Found my 3rd housemate for next year: a lovely chap off my course called John. He plays the accordion! Clearly the best instrument ever, with the possible exception of the contrabass sarusophone. And on valentines day i got up to ( this )

And in other news, what's the deal with all these wristbands everyone's wearing? The yellow cancer one, the white poverty one, the blue bullying one, the black & white interlinked racism one... it's rediculous. Now don't get me wrong, I have nothing against the principle behind the idea, it just saddens me that they've become fashion accessories and nothing else amongst certain groups of people. Surely the money used to manufacture them would have been better spent tackling the problem? Whenever I give money to charity i'm not fussed whether other people know i've donated or not, simply the fact i've contributed is all the recognition i need. Not meaning to be a cynic, but how many of the people wearing these bands would have given money if they didn't recieve a little trinket in return, proclaiming to the world "Look! I'm helping with the world's problems!". I suppose it was inevitable really.

Current Mood: frustrated
Current Music: Death In Vegas - Aisha - The contino Sessions

Right, details of 2005's Deconstruction Tour have been announced - bands confirmed for the whole of the tour so far are No Use For A Name, Only Crime, Strike Anywhere, Boysetsfire, From Autumn To Ashes, Pepper and Strung Out. There's gonna be two UK dates: London (but that one'll be rubbish) and Manchester! :D Rumours abound that the Manc date is May 5th, but i've also heard May 2nd mentioned. This is gonna be utterly immense, and i formally invite anyone interested to come crash in Manc for a few days to punk it up for a few days. They've not announced how much tickets are gonna be, but i'll be keeping an eye out for as soon as they do, along with the other bands to be added to the bil. As it's in May, you students should have just recieved your loans so you've got no excuse whatsoever not to wander along, especially as the final loan installment is the biggest, and the term the shortest.

So, who's up for it?

In other news, i've acquired a Minami place, which is cool. I'm gonna have to miss the Friday though, as I'll be seeing the Dropkick Murphys along with The Bouncing Souls and The God Awfuls. Am trying to squeeze in as many gigs as possible before the summer, as i'm not gonna be able to make any of the festivals :( Yet another reason to go to Deconstruction.

Current Mood: ecstatic
Current Music: The Fight - No More Legend